A parent's guide to deal with tantrums

 

The child falls to the ground, howls, screams, does not listen, does not reason ... Tantrums are usually common at two years (almost no child of this age gets rid of them), but they can last a few more years, so I can I can give some guidelines  to know how to deal with them by my own experience.

At the supermarket, when leaving the park, or even worse, on a plane ... it seems that children have a special nose when choosing the most inopportune moment to put on the show.  And if the tantrum is with the public, the better.

 Children constantly test us and we despair, but we must bear in mind that they do not do it with the intention of annoying us.  They just don't know how to express themselves in another way yet.

 At the moment, the child does not have the language so developed as to express what he wants and does not yet know how to handle the anger or frustration that he is feeling so intensely.  Then what do we do?  Wait until 4 years?  Many parents wonder.  The truth is that it is from that age when tantrums begin to be part of the past, but on a day-to-day basis, there are many things that can be done to, together, end the happy tantrums.

Prevent

 Anticipating the situation is a guarantee of success.  Parents are well aware of the situations that can trigger a tantrum.  Why try your luck?  There is nothing wrong with taking a detour so as not to pass in front of the candy store in front of which our little angel enjoys imitating the exorcist's girl every afternoon.  And if we meet friends on the street, we cannot ask a two-year-old to endure half an hour of conversation.

 Also keep in mind that when children are tired, hungry or even when they are about to get sick, they are more irritable and more prone to tantrums.

 Mislead

There are the warning signs that the little one is about to lose control.  In these situations, you have to use the improviser that each parent has inside to divert the child's attention.  "Look, we're going to count how many red cars go by!" Sana says to her daughter when the girl begins to get overwhelmed on the bus.

 Another option is to anticipate the consequences, for example "since you are behaving so well, at the end I will put you on the horse."  But beware, in the case of such young children the reward has to be early and it is not advisable to do it all the time, since that way you would understand that you only have to behave well in exchange for prizes.

 And we get to the crux of the matter.  We have strictly followed steps 1 and 2 and, even so, we find ourselves with a beautiful tantrum on our hands.  As with adults, with a child in a fit of anger you cannot reason.  The best we can do is ignore their behavior, pay no attention to it.  And why is that?  Well, because the tantrum is a negative behavior and our attention is a reward, therefore it does not make sense to reward them with attention, even if it is to scold them, if we want them to stop behaving like this.

 At home it is very easy.  It is enough to change rooms and continue our business.  We probably won't even have to bother to keep an eye on him, since he's very likely to follow us around the house (we've already said that a tantrum without an audience is like a garden without flowers).

 In the street, it is another song.  If we are in a safe area, it is enough to move a few meters away, not look at it or pretend we are talking on the phone.  If he can hurt himself or try to hit us we can hold him firmly.

 In a restaurant, we will most likely have to take him out for a little while until he calms down and, surely, on some occasion he will have to give in and get his way.  This should be the exception and not the norm, because if children learn that crying and kicking in the end they get what they want, we are lost.

 Turn the page

 And once the downpour has passed ... to something else.  Although we are still 'pissed off' from the bad time that he has put us through, the moment he leaves the tantrum we welcome him and we consider the issue settled without commenting on what has happened.

 We have already talked about what to do to reduce their bad behavior, but parents often forget to reward them when they do well, with which children draw the conclusion that they only pay attention to them when they misbehave.  During the day there are plenty of opportunities to tell them how well they do things: "How well my child is eating today!", "I love it when you play with your cousin without fighting!", "How I like how I  help water the plants! ”.

 In the same way, dedicating a little exclusive attention to him every day, sharing a game in which he is the protagonist, is the best anti-tantrum investment we can make.

 Anything else about tantrums

 They depend on the temperament of the child.  Those who cried a lot as babies and were difficult to calm down may have more tantrums between 2 and 4 years.

 The attitude of the parents should be calm and firm.  If during the tantrum, the children see that we 'falter', it will last longer.

 If we have never ignored their behavior during the tantrums, it is possible that they increase in intensity and frequency after starting to do it, but it will surely subside within a few days.

 Although the tantrums seem eternal, the physical and emotional exhaustion of the little ones is so great that they do not usually last more than half an hour and are reduced to 5 or 10 minutes if we always maintain the same attitude.

 It is important that all the people who take care of the child follow the same rules, which should be few and very clear